Contact & Refund Policy
We usually ship out in 1-3 business days after receiving orders. If you have any questions / comments / offers / trades, please contact us at:
If you'd like to contact us because you heard through the grape vine that we can solve world problems and do complicated multiplication problems you can so at:
We really want you to be happy with your product so much that you'd write grandma and her best friend Elma. If Elma isn't happy and calls you on your second secret phone number, then PLEASE TELL US! Please do not spread rumors about our bad customer service. We will make it right. That's why our policy lasts 32 days.
Return your item unused (that means no wiping your tears or green boogers on it) and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging please.
Perishable goods such as hair, toe nails, flowers, food, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. Sorry but we also do not accept products that are intimate, sexy or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases or farts.
Additional non-returnable items:
Downloadable software products
Some health and personal care items along with self-help dvds
To start your return, please email us at:
Please do not send your purchase back to the manufacturer or they might beat their laborers and then there will be a strike and then there will be no more free cafeteria food.
There are certain situations where only partial refunds are granted: (if applicable)
Book with obvious signs of use, CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl records that has been opened.
Any item not in its original condition, is damaged or missing parts for reasons not due to our error.
REFUNDS (if applicable)
Once your return is received and inspected, we will send you a very serious but sad email to notify you that we have received your returned item but we understand because we've been there. Once approved, your refund will be processed, and a credit will automatically be applied to your credit card or original method of payment. Then afterwards, you will be very rich and then throw it in the air and party because money can buy you things like nachos and fake sideburns.
Late or missing refunds (if applicable)
If you haven’t received a refund yet, first check your bank account again. It might take some time before your refund is officially posted.
If you still have not received your refund yet, please contact us at
EXCHANGES (if applicable)
Good news Billy, we also replace items if they are defective or damaged because we can be total imbeciles! If you need to exchange it for the same item, send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org for further instructions.
You will be responsible for paying for your own shipping costs for returning your item. Shipping costs are non-refundable. If you receive a refund, the cost of return shipping will be deducted from your refund.
Depending on where you live, the time it may take for your exchanged product to reach you, may vary but don't worry, we are very fast and are up in our pajamas at all times of the days to work hard for you. We will pack up your product and write awesome poetry so it can make you, your grandma and her best friend Elma happy!
If you are shipping an item over $75, please consider using a trackable shipping service or purchasing shipping insurance because there are crazy evil dwarfs that might jack it and then use it as a pillow when times are tough. Thank you very much for your understanding and concerns.